Random Thoughs on Christmas 2011

• I honest can not wait for 2011 to be over. What a hell of a year. While some amazing things happened, most notably our move to the new pad, a lot of shit happened. I mean a lot. A friend of mine has a theory that years ending in odd numbers are usually crap years. 2011 delivered on that theory in many stupid ways. Here's to looking forward to 2012. I know many people will probably say that my attitude has a lot to do with my crap outlook of this past year and I wouldn't disagree. I do also know that a lot of the stuff that really shot this past year in the foot for me were out of my control. Fuck you, 2011.
• I hate Christmas Trees. I can't believe the hassle and waste of time and money it was for us this year. Last year we got ourselves a really nice real tree and enjoyed it. This year, we get our stupid real tree and pay over sixty bucks for it, only to be warned by our new resident manager that real trees are no longer allowed. That was news we could have made great use of knowing sooner than two weeks before Christmas. Not only did I have to throw that expensive shedding tree in the garbage, I also had to go out and drop ANOTHER sixty bucks plus on a fake tree. Why? Because I knew our son would be devastated to come home to find no Christmas tree in the apartment. I was a bit glad to get ride of the live tree. I kind of had a bit of a hate on for it ever since it fell over and spilled water all over our carpet and presents. Fuck you, real Christmas tree.
• Christmas this year was a bit, well, depressing. We lost Granny (my dad's mom) about a month before Christmas. While she was ill and in the hospital, her dead was a little sudden and a slight shock. She seemed to be doing much better. While we all knew she wouldn't be returning home, we thought she would move on to the old folks home. We thought she'd be around for this Christmas and for a few more after that. We have a small family and dinner on Christmas eve with my family was just that much smaller. We all did our best to smile through it, and our little guy was a great distraction but there was still tears. My heart was ripped straight from my chest when my grandfather, at 88 years of age started to weep opening at the dinner table. While it's hard for us, I can only imagine how hard this is for him. He is our last grandparent, our last patriarch. Was happy to get through the holidays this year, for sure.
• I am on vacation until the new year. I've been off work from the 19th of December. The time has flown by to fast. There is both good and bad to taking vacation around Christmas. While I've had the extra time to do the shopping and wrapping without a child or boyfriend underfoot, that time has flown by. I am back to work in one week. Will I take vacation at Christmas again? I might. We'll have to wait and see.
• I'm so frustrated with our son. While he is adorable and usually very good, he's starting to really act up these days. Tantrums, fits, hitting and screaming. Not only is it extremely stressful, but it's hard to deal with. What is the best tactic? Time outs don't usually work, I'm not really a firm advocate of spanking and I'm starting to worry it might be something deeper than just a three year old pushing his boundaries. He was a pretty good two year old - I actually started to wonder if there was such a thing as the terrible twos. Maybe it's the terrible three's. I'm not sure what to do about it. I'm almost at the end of my rope. Before I start to look at different methods and options, I am going to see if this is just some holiday blahs. That son of mine is very used to a routine and thrives on it. His whole routine has been completely thrown out the window this holiday season and I am hoping that with the return to day care and the usual routine that maybe he will calm down. I hate picking him up from day care and hearing that he has hit or thrown stuff at the other children. Today, while at a breakfast pot-luck brunch play date, he acted out and hit one of the children not just once, but twice. When I tried to remove him from the situation so I could talk to him about what he did and why it was wrong, he lost it and smacked me really hard a few times. I was mortified - completely and fully. I wanted to just take him outside, lock him in his car seat and sit down and cry. Am I that horrible a mother? What am I doing so wrong that is making him believe acting out like this is alright? I give him warnings, and I also follow through and take away privileges and things when he is not listening, so where is my plan of action going wrong? I need to do some serious parenting reading - any suggestions?
• While I had a period there where I did not touch my camera in a while, I'm starting to fall back in love with it. Maybe it was the holidays, maybe it was just due time. I'm not sure but I'm thinking tomorrow might be a good day to go out with the camera, do some walking and take some pictures. Hunter is back in day care, Bruce is back to work and I'm on vacation, so why not spend some time doing something a little bit relaxing and fun for myself?