I have heartburn.

It's become my silent killer - this horrible bubbling acid in the my throat. It's starting to taste like a battery exploded back there. No hope for it anymore. I eat tums like candy.

I never used to have heartburn. In my early twenties, friends would complain of it often and I remember being unable to relate as I've never had it myself. I remember once saying "I don't know if I've had heartburn ever before - maybe." To which a friend replied, "trust me, you'd know."

She was right. You do know when it's heartburn.

The first time I started to get the heartburn was shortly after that conversation. I was working a job that I hated, and after being promoted in it, became so completely stressed that day after day my throat was coated with this horrible acidic feeling. I came to expect it after a while, hating it with such a lust. It was painful and didn't subside until I quit that job and removed myself from the stressful situation that employment caused.

Now, almost ten years later, it's back with a vengence. That horrible bubbling in my throat every morning, sometimes waking me up at night. I can actually feeling the tums bubbling in my throat as I swallow them, doing their best to cut that thick muck inside me. The burps are the worst. I'm always fearful that something more than a horrible sound will come up with them.

It's stress, I know it is. Just like it's stress that is causing the rash to reappear on my throat. I know what I need to do. I need to de-stress. I'm slowly making a mental list of things in my head to help me de-stress, things I need to work on that might help:

1. Allow myself not to be dissapointed - I expect to much at times, I think. I am starting to believe it is better to expect nothing and be suprised with what you get than to expect something, not get it and forever be dissapointed.

2. Drink more water - I know it hurts in the heat of one of my heartburn attacks but I need to flush out my system and am going to me a huge effort to drink more water.

3. Try to meditate more - Meditation is a fantastic way to centre oneself and I tend to fall out of that. Even if I do just three minutes a day, its better than nothing. Fuck, I'll do it while on the crapper if I have to.

4. Avoid acidic and spicy foods - You know things are bad when you have a small glass of orange juice later in the evening and wake up with the juices acidic aftertaste stuck in your throat.


The list is slowly developing - its new and my plan of action has just started. Cross your fingers. Tums are getting expensive.