Relating

I will be the first to admit that I have a short fuse when it comes to my temper and being annoyed. Sometimes, I can draw the fuse out, but in moments where I am not in a good mood or am under the weather, that fuse is short and there is nothing on this green earth you can do to change that.

This is something I have know about myself for years. Growing up, I was quick to anger. My mother would then lecture me, while I was mad, about my temper. This, in turn, would ignite my short fuse again and I'd be off. I remember sometimes not being able to calm down for hours after those arguments. It got to the point where, even before we got into the heated argument type stuff, I would tell her to not talk about me and my temper because it would just irritate me more.

I do have to admit, things have improved with age. I like to think, I have worked hard on this. I'm all for self-improvement, by the way.

But still, in my adult life, I find myself igniting and my fuse is burned down in a quick flash and there I go, off on something that, most likely, shouldn't warrant me getting frustrated and angry over.

Motherhood has digressed me a bit on this. Hunter is almost two years old and true to form, he has hit that stage where for ever five good minutes, there is one of pure annoyance with him. Terrible twos, or something like that. Every minute of every day, he is testing me, trying me and working on me. He is seeing what he can get away with, what his boundaries are and its my duty as a parent to provide walls and boundaries to him that are impenetrable.

It's hard. I get frustrated with him, and sometimes I know I shouldn't.

He's been sick for the last week or so, and I know that him not feeling well has been adding to his sour mood and the increase in crying and 'hissy fits.' The issue is that I can't relate to him. I don't understand what is going on in his head, his body. I can offer no sympathy to him when he crumbles a cookie up into a million pieces and throws it on the floor because I can't relate to how he is feeling.

Well, I couldn't relate, that is, until this morning.

I've been pretty susceptible to all of Hunter's colds since he's been born. If he gets it, it's pretty likely that I will be getting it at some point, at some level. I woke up this morning at five AM feeling like someone had shot all my sinus full of cotton balls. To top it all off, my right eye was dry, scratchy and leaking. It wasn't until I finally looked at myself in a mirror a few hours later that I realized that said right eye is red, crusted over and puffy. The skin around the eye is also red and dry. Fantastic. It is bothering my like a motherfucker and the cotton-ball sinuses aren't helping either.

But, let me tell you, I can now relate to how the kiddo has been feeling for the last few days and all I gotta say is this.. I sure as heck feel like crumbling something to a million pieces myself and throw it around.