Tired

My eyes hurt and I know they will be puffy later today. My allergies combined with the massive amounts of dust in this apartment along with the argument punk boy and I had this morning ain't helping matters. Its a lethal combination for puffy eyes. Not that I care. I'm a mother and found that my sea monkey has become the be all excuse for not taking care of myself.

"Wow, your hair is a mess!"
Sorry, I'm a mom.

"Wow, that piece of stir fry tofu has been sitting on your counter for a week"
Sorry, I'm a mom.

"I had no idea laundry could pile up like that!"
Sorry, I'm a mom.

"Wow, you have such bags under your eyes!"
Sorry, I'm a mom.

"Fuck, you look like shit! You alright?"
Sorry I'm a mom.

I've come to rely on it in moments when I just can't (or won't) be bothered to make myself super presentable. No shower for me this morning. I went to the garbage shoot looking a bit more ragged than usual. It's a risk, really, weather or not I'll run into any of my nieghbours. They all know about sea monkey and they understand but part of me just hates that look people give you when you look like shit with a newborn around. Its that half "yuck" half pity look. If you get it from a women, specially a mother, then you get a twing of sypmathy in there.

My stomach is grugling. The noise coming from it lately would scare any person. I'm stressed out and its going right to my bowles. The heartburn seems to be under control (thanks for all the suggestions) and now I'm just working on the other end of me. Fixing me physically is harder than I thought as its the mental me that needs repair.

Sea Monkey is alseep and has been for an hour already. He had a busy weekend so he may nap for a while. I am cleaning house. It's my goal today to get this apartment into a livable state. I realized something about Punk Boy this weekend while visiting his parents house - he lives in clutter. His parents house has pockets of clutter and so, Punk Boy has pockets of clutter. Right now, next to his desk is this annoying pile of, well, clutter. A pile of papers, shoeboxes, various contstruction tools, a half rotten apple (it has been tossed) and more papers and crap. Its been there for a month now and I am slowly learning that this Punk Boy. No matter how clean I make our house, he will have these pockets of messy clutter that he keeps promising to go through. We are carbon copies of my families, I suppose.

Speaking of family, I just got off the phone with my mother after having about an hour long conversation. I was upset, I needed to vent at someone regarding the events of the morning. Punk Boy and I argued over something stupid - a missing key to my car. Its always the small arguments that explode into the big yelling matches. A key, for christsakes! I am using the frustration to modivate me to clean this apartment. Vacumn, dust, wash and if I can, get some laundry going. I am going to do it all today in order to keep myself from thinking about the real things I should. Knowing me, I'll think about them anyway. It usually comes to me when I am lying in bed, right before I drift to sleep. Like last night. Lying in the dark my mind went back to a small incident yesterday between Punk Boy and my sister that pushed me over the edge. Of course, I was to busy to deal with it until that moment. Anyway, once I got home and was in bed, thinking, I realized how much the whole situation just pisses me off, royally. I'm stuck between two children who just both won't smarten up. One doesn't think before they speak and the other got all pissy because they were called on something rude they did. We're adults, act like adults for fuck sakes. Sea Monkey is six months old and he acts more like an adult.. fuck.

I'm pretty annoyed, I guess. I'm sure by this evening, when I go off to do the radio show, I'll be better and most of this will be processed, save that which I need to discuss with Punk Boy. I have to before my intestines explode with savage, stress filled bile.

Just checked on the little one - sleeping babies are beautiful. I know I shouldn't do it, but at least once a day I let the Sea Monkey have his nap on me. I love the way his lips form a perfect little heart and how soft he looks. It's beautful.