November's end

November is past. It was a crazy month that just about split me in two. I now offically remember what its like to have just way to much on your plate. I did it all because I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it, that I was able to juggle a mass amount of different situations and projects at one time while being a mother in much the same way I used.

I learned a hard lesson. I can do all these things, but its at a personal cost, and the personal cost is great. Being a mom requires me to be on point, and alert. All the projects I had taken on in November, along with returning to the workforce, really pushed me down to the ground and raped me.

I did finish the Nanowritmo challenge - a 50,000 word novel in the span of November. I even finished early. This is my second time taking on the challenge and my second time completeing it and I'm stoked to do it again. It was hard, it exhausted me, but I'm glad I did it. I'm also glad I'm fucking finished it. It was draining me, keeping me up and making me feel chained to my computer. It was fine in the first half of the month when I had not returned to work yet, but once I was back at the monday to friday grind, the challenge really became difficult. I would come home from work, spend time with the Sea Monkey, make dinner, spend more time with the family, clean up, wash the child up, and then chain myself next to the computer. It was exhausting and the writing did suffer as the month wore on and as my body became more and more exhausted.

Returning to work was a challenge in its own. The weekend before I was to start work, I became super sick with a flu. I had chills, my guts felt like they were revolting against me and I couldn't do anything to make myself feel better. This sickness led to crazy strain in the household and as such, fighting ensued. It was the most stressful time - writing, being sick, returning to work after being off for a year. It created horrible tension and even today, I'm not sure where I stand in this family.

Its not as horrible as it sounds. Words were said, things were implied but they have never really been visited since then so I'm not sure.

I'm still battling the sickness - both physical and mental. The flu turned into a horrible cold, which turned into a horrible cough which, finally, has turned into Bronchitus. Beginning of this week I finally saw a doctor and got some strong antibiotics to fight the thing. I'm feeling better, but the pills are making me super gassy.

The little guy is having a sickness battle of his own. Possible Croup, then a cold, then a skyrocketting fever, then a horrible cough and finally, a nasty ear infection that wakes him up at night, crying in pain. His fever came back this afternoon, and now he has been napping quietly for the last forty minutes. My poor baby.

Money has been an thorn in the side lately as well. Christmas is coming, and funds are lower than usual. Punk Boy's work is not offering him steady, full time hours and we are starting to feel the strain of that. Money - I fucking hate it...